Question:
In a video (given by questioner), A scholar speaks very aggressively and says something like this:
“People think that their children should not suffer or struggle. That idea itself is wrong. Children must struggle. There is no evidence in Islam that children should be protected from hardship.”
So he delivered a strong speech saying that children must face hardship.
Based on that video, the question raised is: If we think our children should not suffer, and if we make arrangements so that they can live comfortably, is that wrong?
Answer:
Before answering, understand one important fact.
To understand what exactly he said, you must watch the video. The speaker’s words:
What Psychologists Say
Today psychologists and mental health experts repeatedly say something very interesting. They say that parents themselves are one of the reasons why children become irresponsible or spoiled. You may see many articles and videos explaining this.
What do they say?
They say parents often think:
“My child should not suffer.”
“My grandchild should not suffer.”
And according to psychologists, that is where the problem begins.
Why do you think your child should not struggle the way you struggled?
If you worked in a tea shop, why do you say your child should never work like that? Because you think like that, the child begins to take advantage of that attitude. He starts demanding things.
According to psychologists, parents must learn to tolerate some hardship in their children’s lives.
In fact, children must grow through hardship. Why?
Because there is no life in this world without hardship. Allahﷻ Himself says that life contains difficulty first, and relief afterwards. If Allahﷻ has created life with that rule, how can we imagine that our children will live without hardship?
Many parents say: “I suffered a lot. My children should not suffer.”
But how can you change the system Allahﷻ created?
Because you think like that, you struggle in a desert-like life, slowly saving money, and finally buy your son a motorbike. But that child will not understand the value of money.
Someone who struggled for money understands its value. A person who suffered to earn money will think ten times before spending even a small amount. But if you simply give your child an ATM card, will he understand the value of money?
Of course not.
That is why children become irresponsible. I am not the one saying this — psychologists and scholars say this.
They say parents who constantly protect children from hardship contribute to the moral decline of youth. So they say children should sometimes experience hardship. Let a child earn even ten paise in a tea shop or work in a hotel serving customers or under a boss as a laborer.
Then he will understand how difficult life was for his father and mother.
But if you only give lectures saying: “Do you know how much your father struggled to raise you?”
Will he understand? Not at all. Experience teaches better than lectures.
Example of Fatimah (RA)
The speaker then gives an example from the life of the Prophetﷺ ﷺ.
Fatimah (RA), the daughter of the Prophetﷺ ﷺ, once came to visit him. But the Prophetﷺ ﷺ was not home. Aisha (RA) was there.
Fatimah showed her hands and said: “My hands have become rough and cracked from grinding flour and doing housework.”
She asked for a servant to help with household work.
Aisha felt compassion and said: “When the Prophetﷺ returns, I will tell him.”
When the Prophetﷺ ﷺ came home, Aisha informed him about Fatimah’s hardship. The Prophetﷺ ﷺ then went to Fatimah’s house. Ali (RA) and Fatimah (RA) were there.
The Prophetﷺ sat between them and asked: “My daughter, do you want a servant?”
She said yes. But instead of sending a servant, the Prophetﷺ ﷺ taught them dhikr to recite morning and evening. So, the speaker argues that the Prophetﷺ allowed his daughter to continue struggling instead of removing the hardship.
He uses this example to say that hardship is part of life.
Based on that, the speaker claims: There is no concept in Islam that children should be protected from hardship. He criticizes parents who work hard, save wealth, and buy things their children like. He suggests such parents might even be acting against Islamic principles.
But there are two issues here:
- Does Islam actually support this idea?
- Is the person saying this even in a position to say it?
Criticism of the Speaker
The critic says that the person giving the speech himself lives comfortably. He originally came to Melapalayam living in a rented house. But now he owns land and has built a large bungalow with many comforts. He has also sent his children to college.
Why? Because he does not want his children to suffer.
Then how can he preach that children must suffer?
Where did all that wealth come from?
That is something his followers must think about. The critic argues that this speech is meant to shock people and mislead them into thinking they are doing something wrong by caring for their children.
Islamic Teachings About Providing for Children
Now let us see what Islam actually says.
A man once prayed: “O Allahﷻ, if You want to punish me in the Hereafter, punish me in this world instead.”
The Prophetﷺ ﷺ heard this and said: “SubhanAllahﷻ! You cannot bear that.”
Instead, he taught him to pray: “O Allahﷻ, give us goodness in this world and goodness in the Hereafter.”
This hadith is found in Sahih Muslim. So, Islam does not encourage asking for hardship.
Leaving Wealth for Children
Another example: A man told the Prophetﷺ ﷺ that he wanted to give away all his wealth in charity because he had only daughters.
The Prophetﷺ ﷺ said: Do not do that.
He asked: “Can I give half?”
The Prophetﷺ said no. “Can I give one-third?”
The Prophetﷺ allowed one-third but said even that is much.
Then the Prophetﷺ said something very important: It is better to leave your heirs wealthy rather than poor and begging from people. This hadith appears in Sahih Bukhari. So, Islam encourages parents to leave their children in a comfortable condition, not in poverty.
Spending on Family
Another hadith says:
- If you have one dinar, spend it on yourself.
- If you have another, spend it on your wife.
- If you have another, spend it on your children.
This shows that providing for children is considered charity. This narration appears in Sunan an-Nasai.
Equal Treatment Among Children
Another narration says: A man wanted to gift property to one child.
The Prophetﷺ ﷺ asked: “Did you give the same to all your children?”
He said no. The Prophetﷺ told him to treat children equally. This hadith appears in Bukhari. This clearly shows Islam encourages giving property and benefits to children.
Quranic Evidence
The Qur’an also addresses this. In Surah Al-Baqarah (2:266), Allahﷻ gives an example: A man owns a beautiful garden with rivers flowing through it. But when he becomes old and his children are still young and weak, a storm destroys the garden.
Allahﷻ asks: “Would anyone like such a situation?”
No one would want that. The meaning is clear: people naturally want security for their children’s future.
Fear for Weak Children
In Surah An-Nisa (4:9) Allahﷻ says: People fear leaving behind weak children.
That fear is natural. Allahﷻ does not say not to worry. Instead, He says to fear Allahﷻ regarding them.
Meaning: take responsibility for them.
Dua of Prophetﷺ Ibrahim (AS)
Prophetﷺ Ibrahim (AS) left his wife Hajar and infant Ismail in the desert of Makkah.
But he made dua: “O Allahﷻ, provide them with fruits and turn the hearts of people toward them.”
This shows concern for the well-being of his children. This appears in Surah Ibrahim (14:37) and Surah Baqarah (2:126).
Dua of Umm Sulaym for Anas
Umm Sulaym once served food to the Prophetﷺ ﷺ and said she was worried about her son Anas, who had served the Prophetﷺ since childhood. She wondered what his future would be.
The Prophetﷺ ﷺ made dua: “O Allahﷻ, increase his wealth and his children.”
This hadith appears many times in Sahih Bukhari. So, the Prophetﷺ prayed for wealth and prosperity for him. He did not say children must suffer.
Conclusion
Islam clearly recognizes that parents naturally want their children to live comfortably. Providing wealth, education, and support for children is not sinful. It is part of a father’s responsibility.
Therefore, claiming that Islam teaches parents to let their children suffer intentionally is misleading. Those who preach such ideas while living comfortably themselves must be questioned.
People should ask them: “How can you live in luxury and then tell ordinary parents not to provide comfort for their children?”
Islam does not teach such hypocrisy.
Another Important Issue – Misusing the Hadith of Fatimah (RA)
Next, we must mention another important issue. The person who made that speech also brings some evidence to support his argument.
What evidence does he present?
He says that the Prophetﷺ Muhammad ﷺ himself raised his children in hardship, and to prove that, he narrates the incident involving Fatimah (RA).
He says that when Fatimah’s hands became injured and rough from grinding grain and doing housework, she came to her father asking for a servant.
At that time the Prophetﷺ ﷺ was not at home. Aisha (RA) heard her request and kept it in mind. When the Prophetﷺ ﷺ returned home, Aisha informed him about it. Immediately the Prophetﷺ ﷺ went to see Fatimah. When he reached her, he did not give her a servant. Instead, he taught her to say: “SubhanAllahﷻ, Alhamdulillah, Allahﷻu Akbar.”
Based on this incident, that speaker argues that the Prophetﷺ ﷺ raised his daughter in hardship and was not affected by her suffering.
But think about it carefully.
Earlier I presented many evidences showing that:
- Parents should care about their children’s well-being
- Parents should provide for their children
- Parents should leave wealth for their children
Despite all those evidences, he takes one single hadith, isolates it, and tries to claim that Islam teaches children must suffer. But this hadith does not prove that at all.
Why did the Prophetﷺ ﷺ rush to Fatimah’s house?
He rushed because he was concerned about his daughter’s hardship. She came asking for help because she did not want to suffer. Did the Prophetﷺ say: “Continue suffering”? No. Instead he showed her a way to reduce her hardship.
As a Messenger of Allahﷻ, he taught her a spiritual solution.
He told her that if she recited SubhanAllahﷻ, Alhamdulillah, and Allahﷻu Akbar, the hardship would become easier for her. So what does this show? It shows that when his daughter was suffering, he guided her toward relief, but in a spiritual way.
He did not say: “You must suffer.”
He did not say: “Suffering is necessary.”
Therefore this speaker is misusing the hadith.
The Prophetﷺ ﷺ was clearly affected by Fatimah’s hardship. That is exactly why he went immediately to see her after hearing about it.
Why did he not give her a servant? Because, many poor people were requesting servants.
If the Prophetﷺ ﷺ had given one specifically to his daughter, people might accuse him of favoritism. To avoid such a misunderstanding, he avoided giving the servant. But that does not mean he wanted his daughter to suffer.
Instead, he said: “Shall I teach you something better than a servant?”
Meaning a method that would make her hardship easier. So, what does this teach us?
It teaches that when children face hardship, parents can help them through:
- spiritual guidance
- practical solutions
Therefore this hadith actually shows concern for children’s well-being, not encouragement of hardship.
Yet he uses this single hadith as his only evidence. Misinterpreting a Qur’anic Verse About Hardship
He also brings another evidence from the Qur’an.
He quotes the verse that says: “With hardship comes ease.”
But he interprets it incorrectly. He says this verse means people must suffer first, and only then ease will come.
But that is not what the verse means. The verse is actually a message of comfort.
It says that when a person faces hardship, he should not despair because ease accompanies hardship.
The verse is meant to console people who are already suffering. It does not command people to seek hardship.
It does not say: “Make your children suffer.”
It simply says: “When hardship comes, do not despair because relief will come.”
But he twists the meaning of the verse to claim that Islam encourages hardship.
That is a misuse of the Qur’an. If we accept his interpretation, it would mean:
People should live in poverty.Children should struggle.Families should beg.
But that is not what the Qur’an teaches.
So he misuses both:
- Qur’anic verses
- Hadith
Earlier I mentioned many evidences showing Islam encourages parents to support their children.
What I presented here is only a small portion of those evidences.In my Ramadan lecture series on Islamic economics, I explained this topic in much greater detail.
Therefore it should be understood clearly that this speaker is bending religious texts to suit his own argument, not presenting them correctly.