Question:
Is engagement feasts and wedding Walimahs considered the same in Islamic law? If not, what is the difference between the two?
Answer:
Can any engagement be conducted without first making a decision? If a marriage is to take place, many matters must be discussed—where it will be held, which mosque office will register it, who will officiate, how many guests will be invited, how many from each side will attend, and so on. These discussions themselves are part of confirming the marriage. Even when buying property, there are negotiations, price discussions, and agreements before registration. So, confirming something before conducting it is natural.
Similarly, in marriage, families meet and make decisions. If relatives come for such a discussion and are offered tea or coffee within their means, that cannot be called wrong. But what is happening now is that engagement functions are conducted on the scale of weddings. They book expensive halls costing one or two lakhs, invite hundreds or thousands, and provide large feasts. Is this permissible? It is not something established in religion. But we also cannot simply declare it haram, because they are only providing food.
Why do we advise against it? Because it gradually becomes a burden on society. Even arranging one marriage is already difficult. From the birth of a daughter, parents start saving money. If we create multiple functions—engagement, reception, and many other ceremonies—and provide repeated feasts, it becomes heavy for society. If wealthy people set a trend, others will feel pressured to follow. Then the burden falls especially on the bride’s family.
So, we discourage it from the perspective of social welfare, not because there is a clear verse or hadith declaring it haram. If someone still, does it and says, “We are only providing food; we are not doing anything sinful like music or prohibited acts,” we cannot label it haram. But we advise against unnecessary extravagance for the sake of easing hardship in society.