Question:
The Prophetﷺ said that spending on relatives is a reward. Who are considered relatives? My husband earns money, and it is reasonable that I, my children, and his parents eat from his income. But his elder aunt, her husband, their children, and grandchildren are also eating from his income. Is this correct? Is this what Islam teaches?
Answer:
My husband supports them saying they are poor and need help. But his relatives have three sons who could work abroad and earn money, yet they choose to stay locally. Meanwhile, my husband lives abroad, away from us, working hard. Allahﷻ has blessed him with wealth, but we have no savings, and his relatives consume everything. I am worried about my children’s future. Can one family carry the burden of another family? He justifies it using hadith. Please explain.
Based on this question, advice is needed for both husband and wife. The wife is taking one extreme, and the husband is taking another extreme. Islam teaches balance.
Allahﷻ says in Qur’an 2:215 that when people ask what they should spend, they should spend on parents, relatives, orphans, and the needy. Spending on parents and relatives is strongly encouraged.
Allahﷻ also says in Qur’an 2:177 that righteousness includes spending wealth willingly on relatives, orphans, and the needy.
Allahﷻ says in Qur’an 4:36 to worship Him and be kind to parents, relatives, neighbors, and others.
Allahﷻ says in Qur’an 17:26 to give relatives their due right.
So, the husband is correct in helping relatives. It is part of Islamic teaching. However, Islam also teaches balance. Allahﷻ says in Qur’an 2:219 to spend from surplus — after fulfilling your own needs and family responsibilities.
There is an incident recorded in Sahih Muslim, a companion named Sa’ad(RA), who was in deathbed. The Prophetﷺ visited him for inquiry. Sa’ad (RA) said “O Messengerﷺ of Allahﷻ, my time has come, I have adequate wealth but have only one daughter; so, may I give two third of the wealth in charity. Prophetﷺ said, “No”; he asked “May I give away half? The Prophetﷺ said “No”, then he asked “One third? Prophetﷺ said, that is also too much, yet approved it, though, he advised him to give it to his relatives.
The Prophetﷺ also said that it is better to leave your children financially secure than to leave them poor and dependent on others. So, the husband must first fulfil:
- His own needs
- His wife’s needs
- His children’s needs
- Future savings and security
Then he may spend from surplus on relatives. If he spends everything and leaves his children financially insecure, that is also wrong. At the same time, the wife should not resent helping relatives. Helping relatives brings reward, and she shares in the reward if she supports it sincerely.
So, the correct Islamic position is balance:
- The husband must support his family and secure their future.
- He should help relatives from surplus, not at the expense of his children’s future.
- The wife should not oppose helping relatives entirely but should encourage balanced spending.
Islam is a middle path, not extreme selfishness and not extreme neglect of one’s own family.