Question:
My husband scolds me a lot. He curses me, saying, “May you become guilty before Allahﷻ because you don’t listen to your husband. You frequently go to your mother’s house.” He scolds me like this. My mother is elderly. I have one sister. She is disabled, unable to walk. In this situation, after finishing cooking in my husband’s house in the morning and afternoon, I go to my mother’s house around 4 PM. Then at night, I return to my husband’s house. Also, I have a daughter. My husband does not give me any money for expenses. He does not buy me clothes. On festivals, he does not buy clothes for me or my children. He does not give money. He does not buy me breakfast in the morning. He is always miserly. In that town, they don’t make breakfast items. In places like Mettupalayam, Kadaianallur, they do textile work. Since he has such a job, people buy from hotels for themselves. He doesn’t buy breakfast for me. He is miserly. So, my question is: Will the curses he utters affect me? Will I be affected in the Hereafter?
Answer:
There are many things in this. That is, I doubt whether he is as you say. You are asking this question. I think a person cannot be like this to this extent. However, you are asking. Since you are asking, if such husbands exist, there won’t be such husbands in this era. If such exist, you must understand one thing first. Islam commands taking care of one’s parents, right? Is that only for men? It is said three times regarding the mother, then the father. Is this only for men or for women? She is also born to parents, right? So, what does a husband think?
He thinks his duty is to take care of his parents, but for his wife to go and take care of her parents, visiting them, comforting them, helping if possible, is a duty upon her. Does the husband have the right to prevent that duty? Does the husband have the right to command something against Islam? Can he say, “Don’t go to your mother’s house”? Going to her mother’s house is a duty and a right that Islam has given her. Not doing it is a sin.
You do not need to obey a creation in a way that disobeys the Creator. Even if it’s a husband, a father, one must obey the husband. But if the husband is the one worthy of curse, he will be punished by Allahﷻ. How can you, O man, prevent your wife from visiting her mother? She has a mother. Would Allahﷻ question her for visiting her birth mother?
During the time of Prophetﷺ, Asma (RA)’s mother came. Asma (RA) is the sister of Aisha. Her mother came. She had not accepted Islam. During that time, there was an agreement between the Muslims and the disbelievers of Makkah. During the period of that agreement, people would travel from here to there and from there to here. After the Treaty of Hudaybiyyah, during that period when the agreement was in place, the people of Makkah would come to Madinah normally. The people of Madinah would not travel there for trade or pilgrimage.
At such a time, Asma(RA)’s(RA) mother came to Madinah to see her daughter. She said, “I have no shelter or resources. Can I stay with you? Will you let me stay with you?” She asked. Asma(RA) went to Prophetﷺ and asked, “O Messengerﷺ of Allahﷻ, my mother has come. She is a polytheist. In this state, she has come to me seeking shelter. Can I accommodate her?” He said, “Certainly, accommodate her. She is your mother.”
Even if a mother is not a Muslim, a daughter should take care of her. If she wishes to keep her mother with her, she may do so. He permitted this. Did he tell Asma(RA) to go ask her husband, Zubayr, and then do it? Did he tell her to go ask her husband and then accommodate her? Or did he say, “Accommodate your mother”? He told her to accommodate her mother. So, for matters like helping one’s mother, visiting one’s mother, there is no need to ask the husband’s permission. You could inform him, like, “I’m going,” just as a matter of information. He should not object. No husband has the authority to prevent this.
So, take all the verses commanding to take care of parents. All these verses apply to both men and women. Do only men have parents? Do women fall from the sky? They are also born to parents. From the verses about the duty towards parents, this matter should be considered. This story of Asma(RA) is in Bukhari, numbers 2620 and 3183. Similarly, you say he doesn’t provide for you. That is surprising. But when asked about the duties towards women, during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophetﷺ said, “They have taken refuge with you. Treat them well. Treat women in a beautiful manner.”
In the Quran, Allahﷻ says, “And live with them in kindness.” What should you do? Live with your wives in kindness. When you eat, give her to eat. When you wear clothes, give her clothes to wear. In a religion that says such things, it comes to the point that he doesn’t give food, doesn’t give clothes. If perhaps he is a traveler or in severe poverty where he cannot even buy clothes for himself, then you, as a wife, should understand that. If he has money, he buys clothes for himself but doesn’t give to you, then it is a sin.
If he is himself struggling for food and unable to provide clothes, then you should be patient. Or if you cannot be patient and say you don’t want a life with such a husband, you have the right to annul the marriage and leave. You have the right to annul the marriage and leave. That is one aspect to consider.
Regarding the mosque, there is a large mosque compound. There is an open ground. In the mosque, they were playing with spears. He called Aisha, “Do you see?” He made her place her chin on his shoulder and watched. There are hadiths in Bukhari, number 5190, and many other places, where when the wife desired to enjoy a sport, Prophetﷺ made arrangements for it. Above all this, what is there? Generally, Prophetﷺ places a responsibility. How does he say? “Each one of you is a shepherd. Each one is responsible and will be questioned.” The Imam, the leader, is a shepherd, he will be questioned about his subjects.
A man is a shepherd over his family and his wife, and he will be questioned about them. He will be asked by Allahﷻ: Did you treat your wife properly? Did you feed her? Did you treat her without causing distress? Did you keep her happy? A man is responsible regarding his wife, and he will be questioned. What does being questioned mean? It means if he didn’t act properly, there is accountability and punishment. The woman is responsible for her husband’s household.
She is a shepherd and she will be questioned. Similarly, it is said in many places. Today, Abdullah ibn Amr? Prophetﷺ said, “Today, there is a duty upon your eyes, a duty upon your hearing, a duty upon your wife, a duty upon you.” So, duties are specified. Therefore, if your husband acts as you say, he will be questioned for many sinful acts: not providing food, preventing you from seeing your parents, scolding you constantly. He will be questioned for all of that. You say he curses. Regarding curses, one should fear the curse of the one who has been wronged. If you have wronged someone and they curse you, that curse is accepted by Allahﷻ and will affect you.
Fear the supplication of the one who has been wronged. There is no veil between that and Allahﷻ. The Prophetﷺ said that. So, you should fear that. Look, he is doing wrong. If he curses, what will happen? If he curses, the curse may return upon him. Because you are not doing an action worthy of curse. Based on your statement, he appears to be the one worthy of curse, not the wrongdoer. The supplication of a wrongdoer? Would it have weight? Probably not. Allahﷻ will not question you for that.
At the same time, there is a tendency to present only one’s own side. Based on that, you need to think and decide whether the fault is on your side or his side