Question:
He (the questioner) has written about two incidents.
Incident one: Someone cursed me obscenely on my phone. He spoke wrongly about my mother, my wife, and the women of my house. The next day, when he called to apologize, I refused. I said, “I cannot forgive you, I have entrusted the matter to Allahﷻ.” So, I said I cannot forgive. However, I did not curse him back. This is incident one.
Incident Two: This happened with another person. I cursed him severely with foul words. He initially cursed me. What happened now is that when I spoke with another person, I cursed him badly. He also cursed me back with foul words. It became balanced: he cursed, you cursed. After some time, realizing my mistake, I asked him to forgive me for my mistake for the sake of Allahﷻ. He said, “No, I have entrusted the matter to Allahﷻ.
We’ll see on the Day of Judgment.” The irony is that he has not yet asked my forgiveness for his cursing. What did I think? I thought that since I cursed him, his cursing back would suffice as retribution. In the first incident, if I had forgiven, it would be over. The second incident still bothers me. If he does not forgive, I think the one who started it (me) will be the one affected. For these two incidents, what is the Islamic ruling?
Answer:
For this, you have the right; it is not obligatory to forgive. I will mention the evidence. It is not obligatory to forgive. You have the right to forgive, and you have the right to refuse to forgive. Some matters I can let go lightly; some matters may be so severe that I cannot overlook them. I may have such matters, you may have them, anyone may have them. If you forgive him, the dispute is settled, and Allahﷻ will not punish him. If you refuse to forgive, Allahﷻ will question him for this matter.
However, regarding the incidents between you two, we only know what you told us; there may be things you didn’t mention. When he cursed, you might have also cursed back; we don’t know if the accounts are settled. If you settled the account and said you wouldn’t forgive, the account might be settled.
You need to see if you cursed him and he cursed you back. Those involved can assess it, or Allahﷻ will assess it; we cannot assess it. If you, as the involved party, think, “He cursed, and we also cursed,” if you feel that way, you should ask for forgiveness separately. If you don’t forgive, but he cursed you and you cursed him back, the account might have been settled. You cursed, he cursed, have you settled the account or not?
In that matter, it is as such. Or, if he was the one who cursed and you did nothing, then because you did not forgive, he will be questioned in the Hereafter. That applies to the first incident.
Regarding the second incident, what is it? You cursed someone, and you say he also cursed you back. Regarding this, only by discussing both can we determine who is more at fault, who started it, etc. A settlement can be made. If we look superficially, what can we say? Based on your statement, you initiated the cursing. He cursed you back. He probably cursed you just as you cursed him. It might have ended equally.
In such matters, Allahﷻ will look at who exceeded. If you did 100 units of cursing and he did 50, Allahﷻ will account for the remaining 50. That will be known only in the Hereafter, or if we investigate thoroughly, we might know. So, it is like that. So, he refuses to forgive. You asked him for forgiveness, and he refuses to forgive.
At the same time, he also cursed you, but he hasn’t asked you for forgiveness for that. Could it be considered settled? We cannot say. It could be settled, or it might not be settled. The conclusion depends on the extent. Suppose your cursing was at a level of 100 marks, and his cursing was only 50, then Allahﷻ will account for the remaining 50. If it was equal, like 100 each, then it’s settled, and there is no need to ask for forgiveness.
I will only mention some verses related to this. From them, you can understand the rulings. What are the verses? In Surah An-Nisa, verse 148, Allahﷻ says: “Allahﷻ does not like the public mention of evil except by one who has been wronged.” Generally, one should not curse, but if someone has wronged you, you can use very mild words. Beyond that, it becomes evil speech.
Allahﷻ says He does not like evil speech to be publicized, except for the one who has been wronged. If I have been wronged, I can curse the one who wronged me. What is the wrong? The issue between you two may not just be about cursing; there might be other transactions or problems.
Allahﷻ, from His position, will look and decide. However, cursing because of the injustice done to you is not a sin. If you curse because he hit you, it is not a sin. If you curse because he took your property, it is not a sin. This general principle should be understood. Similarly, in Surah Ash-Shura (Chapter 41), from verse 39 to 43, Allahﷻ explains these matters in sequence. If someone is wronged, they will settle the account. They will retaliate in kind. The punishment for an evil is an evil like it. A blow for a blow.
However, whoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is with Allahﷻ. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers. And whoever retaliates after being wronged, there is no way against them. There will be no questioning. Why are you giving retaliation? Because you are retaliating for the injustice done to you. If you retaliate for the injustice committed against you, there is no blame upon him.
There is no question. No one will be questioned. Who will be questioned? There were some errors in the translation of these verses; we have corrected them on the online Tafseer (PJ) website. If you take Surah Ash-Shura – chapter 42, verse 41, on the online PJ website, we have corrected and posted it.
There was a confusing word that didn’t convey the meaning; we have corrected it. Please understand. Against whom is the way? Allahﷻ says: “The way is only against those who wrong people and transgress on the earth without right.” I will question them. If you retaliate for being wronged, I will not question you. If you did wrong in retaliation? No. Allahﷻ says He will not question the one who retaliates after being wronged. But those who transgress without right will have a severe punishment.
And whoever is patient and forgives, indeed, that is of the matters requiring determination. Forgiving is better. So, Allahﷻ indicates this. So, regarding forgiveness, it is like that. Similarly, in Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 194, Allahﷻ says: “So whoever has assaulted you, then assault him in the same way that he has assaulted you.” You can also transgress, but there is a limit. He did 10 blows, you cannot give 100 blows. If he transgressed against you, you may transgress against him to the same extent. In verse 194, He says: “So whoever transgresses against you, you may transgress against him to the same extent.”
So, you should calculate and see. If you think your side is more, then you should ask for forgiveness. If they refuse to ask for forgiveness, Allahﷻ will take some of your good deeds and give them to him. So, if he refuses to forgive, Allahﷻ will take some of your deeds and give them to him. So, what should we do? We should increase our charity and such acts. If we perform extra voluntary acts of worship, like prayer, fasting, etc., to safeguard our obligatory deeds, even if some deeds are taken from us and given to him, we won’t be affected. That is something to consider.
Similarly, in Surah An-Nahl, verse 126: “If you punish, then punish with the like of that with which you were afflicted.” The limit is important, Allahﷻ says. “But if you are patient, it is better for the patient.” If you forgive and show patience, it is best. So, in this matter, whether you also did something, or he also did something, etc., we do not know; only Allahﷻ knows.