Question:
The Qur’an states that promises will be questioned. In many places, parents arrange marriage promises between their children when they are young. When the children reach maturity, the families often back out. Will such promises be questioned on the Day of Judgment? If the one who made the promise has died and the family does not agree, who will be held accountable?
Answer:
First, it is important to understand that a person can only make a promise regarding matters over which they have authority. Marriage is not such a matter. A man has the right to choose his own spouse upon reaching maturity. A woman also has the right to accept or reject a marriage proposal. Parents cannot make binding promises for their children’s marriages.
When a boy is ten years old and a girl is five, parents may say: “I will marry my son to your daughter.” This promise is invalid because the parents have no authority to decide on behalf of their adult children. The children themselves, upon reaching maturity, must consent to the marriage.
There are clear evidences for this. In Sahih Bukhari (Hadith 6971), the Prophetﷺ said that a bride’s consent is required for marriage. In another narration (Bukhari 5138), a woman complained that her father had married her to someone she did not wish to marry, and the Prophetﷺ annulled the marriage. These narrations show that parents do not have the authority to compel their children into marriage.
Therefore, the promise made in childhood is void from the beginning. The parents did not have the authority to make such a promise. Allahﷻ will not question why the promise was not fulfilled, but rather He may question why they made a promise about something over which they had no authority. If the boy or girl later chooses not to marry, they are within their rights, and no sin falls upon them.
Therefore, the promises are null and void.