Question:
When children throw tantrums, parents often make false promises to calm them—saying they will buy something when they have no intention or ability to do so. Does this count as a sin? Are there specific rulings about lying to children?
Answer:
There is no authentic hadith that distinguishes between lying to children and lying to adults. Lying is generally prohibited. The Prophetﷺ said: “Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to tell the truth until he is recorded as a truthful person. Falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to Hellfire. A man continues to lie until he is recorded as a liar before Allahﷻ .” This applies universally.
There are weak narrations about not lying to children, but even without them, the general prohibition of lying is sufficient. Children are human beings deserving of truthfulness. Making false promises to calm a child is not permissible. There are other ways to handle children without resorting to lies.
Lying – Its Prohibition and Permissible Exceptions
In Sahih Bukhari, the Prophetﷺ described three characteristics of a hypocrite: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted, he betrays. Among these, lying is a trait of hypocrisy. If a person possesses only one of these three traits, he possesses one-third of hypocrisy. Lying is a sin that can lead one to hypocrisy.
However, there are certain situations where lying is permitted. The Prophetﷺ allowed lying in three specific circumstances: during war, to bring reconciliation between people, and when a husband speaks to his wife or a wife to her husband to maintain harmony.
Lying in War permissible
In the battlefield, it is permissible to exaggerate one’s strength, numbers, and weaponry to instill fear in the enemy. The objective is to weaken the enemy psychologically, making them less likely to fight effectively. This is not considered sinful because the intention is to protect the Muslim community.
Lying for Reconciliation permissible
When two individuals, families, groups, or communities are in conflict, it is permissible to say things that will bring about reconciliation, even if they are not strictly true. For example, one may tell each party that the other speaks well of them, thereby removing animosity. The Prophetﷺ said: “The one who reconciles between people is not a liar,” meaning that even if he says something that is not factually accurate for the purpose of making peace, he is not considered a sinful liar. This is because the goal is to promote good and harmony.
Lying Between Spouses permissible
Similarly, a husband and wife may praise one another in ways that may be exaggerated. If a wife tells her husband that he is the most generous or handsome man, or if a husband tells his wife that she is the most beautiful woman, such words strengthen the marital bond and promote harmony. This is permitted as long as it does not involve false promises. Promising to buy something with no intention of fulfilling that promise is not allowed, as it will lead to disappointment and conflict.
Lying to Children – Not permissible
Regarding children, the same principle applies. Praising a child and encouraging them with kind words is permissible if it fosters a positive relationship and good behavior. However, making false promises to a child—such as promising to buy a bicycle or phone with no intention of doing so—is not permissible. Such lies teach children deception and may lead them to adopt lying as a habit. Parents who frequently lie to their children often find their children becoming habitual liars.
Therefore, even with children, one should avoid false promises and instead use praise and encouragement to achieve harmony.